


Words I'll Never Say

by ezazahaz



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, M/M, Misunderstandings, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tony Stark Has Issues, so they're perfect for each other, they just need a little help from Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 16:39:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5974318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ezazahaz/pseuds/ezazahaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“Tony, this is Bucky.  Thank you again for letting him stay here.  Buck, this is Tony.”</em>
</p>
<p>  <em>Stark opened his mouth, but Bucky found himself blurting out, “You don’t have to do this.  I shouldn’t be here.”</em></p>
<p>  <em>Stark’s grin froze, then his lips sealed shut and he looked away.  There was a beat of silence, then he turned to Steve and said, “Like I said, Steve, he’s welcome to stay as long as he’d like.  You can give him the tour, right?  There’s something I've gotta get back to in the lab…”</em></p>
<p>  <em>And with that he was gone. </em></p>
<p>Tony gives Bucky the cold shoulder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words I'll Never Say

Bucky felt nervous as Steve led him into Avengers Tower. He didn’t know why Stark had agreed to let him stay in his home without having even met him first. Steve had talked up how generous the man was, warning him that while the man could be insulting and entitled at times, he was also kind and giving. Bucky figured he had to be, to invite a barely-recovered brainwashed assassin into his home.

“I shouldn’t be here,” Bucky said, not for the first time, as he followed Steve into the elevator.

“You’ll be fine, Buck. I promise.” Steve seemed so earnest, and while Bucky didn’t have all his memories back of his time before the Winter Soldier, he had a feeling Steve had always had that unshakable faith in him. He’d certainly maintained it even as the Winter Soldier had been trying to kill him. Bucky had recovered enough now that Steve’s unwavering faith terrified him.

Bucky supposed Steve’s confidence in him was the real reason Stark was allowing him into his home. If Captain America said he was safe, who wouldn’t believe him?

Besides Bucky himself, of course.

The doors opened, and Tony Stark stood there waiting for them, grin as wide as it was in his publicity photos, and even more good-looking in person.

Steve stepped out first, smiling broadly as he looked between them. “Tony, this is Bucky. Thank you again for letting him stay here. Buck, this is Tony.”

Stark opened his mouth, but Bucky found himself blurting out, “You don’t have to do this. I shouldn’t be here.”

Stark’s grin froze, then his lips sealed shut and he looked away. There was a beat of silence, then he turned to Steve and said, “Like I said, Steve, he’s welcome to stay as long as he’d like. You can give him the tour, right? There’s something I've gotta get back to in the lab…”

And with that he was gone. 

Steve blinked, confusion written across his face, but then he turned a cheerful smile back toward Bucky. It was one of his smiles that meant he was concerned but didn’t want Bucky to worry. Bucky didn’t think those smiles had ever worked. “He’s always busy with something. Come on, let’s get you settled in.”

Bucky nodded, but didn’t feel particularly welcome.

~~~

Settling in wasn’t easy. Steve showed him around, introduced him to the Avengers he hadn’t met yet, and explained about the computerized butler JARVIS. He set Bucky up in his own very nice suite of rooms--apparently prepared for him by Stark--but often insisted he come to the common area to socialize with the others.

Most of his new housemates were kind but wary, which was about what he’d expected. It was like everyone was walking on eggshells around him, solicitous of his needs but constantly waiting for him to snap. In some ways he was glad for it--for the knowledge that they were prepared, that these people might be capable of defending themselves if he did revert to a soulless killing machine. At the same time, it made being around them exhausting.

Worse, though, were his few encounters with Stark. If there were others in the kitchen or living room when Stark came through, he would greet them--either by name, or by some ridiculous nickname. But the most he ever gave Bucky was a little nod.

He never stayed for long, keeping to quick chats with the others, and ignoring Bucky almost entirely. He seemed so unlike the outgoing, loquacious Tony Steve had told him so much about.

~~~

After a few days of the silent treatment, Bucky cornered Stark. He found his host making coffee in the communal kitchen, and stood in the doorway so the man would have to shove past him to escape. “Stark,” he said in a neutral tone.

Stark looked up, eyes wide, then quickly looked back down at the coffee machine.

“Do you have a problem with me?”

The other man shook his head, not looking up.

“Then why do you never talk to me?”

Stark just clenched his jaw and didn’t respond.

“I can leave if you want me to.”

Stark just shook his head again, still not meeting his eyes.

“What do you want from me?” Bucky demanded.

The coffee machine filled the waiting mug and Stark picked it up. Holding the mug with both hands, he walked toward the doorway. Finally he met Bucky’s eyes, a silent challenge in his gaze as he waited for Bucky to move out of the way.

Bucky tried to out-wait him, but eventually gave in. Sighing, he moved aside, and Stark made his escape. Bucky leaned his head back against the wall and wondered what the hell he was supposed to do.

~~~

After a morning run with Steve, Bucky opened the fridge for a drink. “Hey, you got me whole milk! Three gallons might be a bit much, though.”

“I didn’t get you milk,” Steve said, reaching past him for the orange juice.

Bucky frowned in confusion. “You were the only one here yesterday when I was complaining about only having skim.”

Steve shrugged. “JARVIS probably told Tony, so he ordered some.”

“Why would he do that? He doesn’t even like me.”

“That’s not true, Buck.”

“He never talks to me, Steve.”

“He’s just been busy, he probably hasn’t had a chance to really welcome you yet.”

“That’s not--he talks to the rest of you, at least in passing. ‘Hey, Cap.’ ‘What’s up, Big Guy?’ He hasn’t said a single word to me.”

Steve frowned. Then an odd expression spread across his face, slowly, like he wasn’t sure if he was going to smile, but eventually decided to go for it. “I think you should spend some time with him in his lab.”

“You mean that place where he spends all his time hiding from me? Something tells me I wouldn’t be welcome.”

“Okay, first, he always spends a lot of time in there; that doesn’t mean he’s hiding. Second…” Steve lost the grin and got serious. “Do you remember your words? The ones that were on your arm before…” He gestured at Bucky’s metal arm.

His words. The Winter Soldier didn’t have a soulmark. Didn’t have a soulmate, didn’t have a soul. While Bucky knew he’d lost the arm in the fall, he’d sometimes wondered if Hydra would’ve removed his left arm anyway to remove the words, to obliterate any evidence that he’d ever had a soul.

But Bucky remembered. He remembered sharing his words with Steve when they were young, two boys speculating about the people they hadn’t met yet, the people who carried the other halves of their souls.

And suddenly Steve’s suggestion made some sort of sense--but it also hurt. “You think he won’t talk to me because he might be my soulmate and doesn’t want to be?”

“I think Tony’s afraid of rejection. Your first words to him--and if I’m right, the words he’s had all his life--were that you shouldn’t be here.”

Bucky felt a lump form in his stomach. He hadn’t meant to sound ungrateful, to _reject_ Tony. He just hadn’t understood why a killer like him should be welcome here. “That’s not--I didn’t--”

“I know, Buck. The thing is, what people say and what Tony hears are different sometimes. He hears personal slights when there aren’t any. And if he’s been dwelling on those words since he was a kid, he’s probably convinced himself that his soulmate doesn’t want him.”

Shit. While Bucky hadn’t had much of a chance to get to know Tony yet, everything Steve had told him made him seem like a pretty swell guy. (And while Bucky knew of some platonic soulmates, he had to admit his eyes had wandered plenty in those brief periods he and Tony were in the same room.)

“So he’s trying to avoid my rejecting him by not speaking to me? Not letting me hear the words that could confirm he’s my soulmate?”

Steve shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s afraid you’ll hear the words and feel an obligation because he’s your soulmate, that you’ll go through the motions but won’t actually want him.” Now there was an assessing look on his face. “What _do_ you want, Buck?”

Bucky thought seriously about the question. From what he’d gathered, today’s view of soulmates emphasized free will. When he and Steve had been growing up, it had been heavily frowned upon to marry anyone but your soulmate, unless they had died. Leaving your soulmate, even if they were abusive, had been nearly unheard of. Today, society valued a person’s right to choose their partner regardless of one’s words.

And after Hydra, Bucky had even more reason to embrace the right to make his own choices. So what did he want?

“I want to talk to him--I want him to talk to me. I want the chance to get to know him, and if we are soulmates, to figure out why the universe thinks we’re a good match.”

Steve smiled. “Then let’s make that happen.”

~~~

The AC/DC pounding through the speakers suddenly got quieter as JARVIS announced, “Sir, Captain Rogers is requesting entrance.”

“Yeah, sure,” Tony agreed, glancing up. Too late, he noticed Barnes trailing behind Steve, looking at Tony with an odd expression.

Tony went with his modus operandi, giving the guy a nod and then ignoring him entirely. “What’s up, Cap?”

“Hey, Tony. I was just wondering if we could hang out in here for a while.”

“Uh.” Steve sometimes came in to sit and draw, but this was the first time Barnes had been down here. (Tony tried not to stare at the metal arm. He really wanted to get a closer look at it, see if he could improve it, but to do so he’d probably have to talk to the guy, so… no.)

“You don’t have to pay us any attention. We’ll just sit over here quietly.” Steve gestured to a couple of metal chairs--not even the comfortable couch he usually occupied when he was down here.

Tony couldn’t come up with a good excuse to refuse them, so he just said, “Yeah, sure, why not.” He instructed JARVIS to raise the volume of the music again, though. He didn’t want to give any indication that he was open to conversation.

He lost himself in his work for a while, mostly forgetting about his visitors. Then he came to a couple of screws he needed to tighten, and looked around for the appropriate tool. Finally he spotted it on a lab table by one of the occupied chairs.

“Hey, pass me that screwdriver, would you?” he asked absently.

He took the proffered tool, then glanced up and froze. Barnes was looking down at him with a smile simultaneously smug and radiantly happy.

Tony felt his breath catch, and he wasn’t sure if it was fear over what he’d just done, or a reaction to that beautiful smile. “Shit.”

“Finally,” Steve said, and Tony could hear the smile in his voice, though he was pretty sure that smile couldn’t compete with the one Tony couldn’t currently take his eyes off of. “I’ll leave you two alone now.” Tony heard the lab door open and close, but not before Steve asked JARVIS to quiet the music again.

“You planned this?” Tony asked, mind reeling.

Barnes shrugged. “Steve was the man with the plan.”

“But… those were your words? ‘Pass me that screwdriver?’”

“Yep.” Bucky’s smile turned wistful. “Lost ‘em when I lost the arm, but I remember ‘em. Remember spending lots of time wondering about ‘em. So you’ll talk to me now, right?”

“You want me to?”

“Tony.” Barnes took his hand that was still limply holding the screwdriver and brought it up to his lips, brushing a kiss against his knuckles. “All I’ve wanted since I came here was for you to talk to me.”

Tony’s heart was pounding. “You didn’t want to be here.”

Barnes let go of his hand and his gaze shifted away. “I didn’t think I belonged here. I’ve done terrible things, I’m dangerous and unstable, and you invited me into your home--your home full of heroes, good people--before you even met me.”

What? Was that seriously what Barnes had been thinking? And then to get the brush-off from Tony whenever he tried to talk to him… Shit. “Barnes, I’ve done terrible things, and I don’t have the excuse of being fucking brainwashed for decades. As for unstable? You should see Nat’s first report on me for Fury. Hell, most of us here have done shitty things at some point, and exactly zero of us are the picture of perfect mental health.” Tony gave a wry smile. “We aren’t good people. We’re broken people trying to pull ourselves together enough to do some good in the world.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” Barnes looked up, and this time his smile was small but hopeful. “Maybe I do belong here.”

“Maybe you do,” Tony agreed. He found himself rubbing at his shoulder, where fabric covered the words that had haunted him. Now he knew Barnes didn’t dislike him, but he still didn’t know what the other man--his _soulmate_ \--wanted from him. “So, where do we go from here?”

“Well, our first meeting didn’t go so well. Can we just… start over?”

“Sounds good to me.” Tony put down the screwdriver he was still holding and stuck out his right hand. “Hi, I’m Tony Stark. Welcome to my not-so-humble abode.”

“James Buchanan Barnes--call me Bucky.” Bucky took his hand to shake. “Thanks for offering me a place to stay. It’s good to meet you; Steve’s told me a lot about you.”

“Likewise. But he hasn’t told me much about that amazing arm of yours. Any chance I could get a closer look at it? See if I can make any improvements?”

“Not without buying me dinner first.” Bucky raised an eyebrow suggestively.

“…You like Italian?”

~~~

Tony felt nervous as he pulled the sheet off and gave Bucky his first glimpse of the new arm. While the other man had been a part of the design process over the past few weeks, Tony hoped the final product lived up to his expectations.

There was also one cosmetic difference between the designs Bucky had helped with and the prosthetic he was now seeing.

Bucky’s expression was pleased and a little awed, and Tony got a warm feeling in his chest. There were still butterflies in his stomach, though, as Bucky moved around the arm and paused, finally seeing the writing on what would be the inner part of the upper arm.

_“Hey, pass me that screwdriver, would you?”_

Bucky traced the fingers of his right hand over the letters as though feeling them in Braille, despite the fact that the words added no texture to the metal. “They look just the same,” he said in a hushed tone.

Tony nodded. “I asked Steve for help reproducing them.” Bucky was silent, eyes and fingers still caressing the words. “Is that okay?” Tony asked, wondering if he should be giving the other man a moment but unable to take the silence any longer. “I probably should have asked you first, but I thought if I made it a surprise, you would, I don’t know…”

Bucky finally looked up. His eyes looked a little wet, but he was smiling that gorgeous smile of his. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

He reached out and pulled Tony into a kiss, and for a while after that they didn’t need words.


End file.
